NOTE TO ALL BEFORE READING:
uninterested readers not interested about uni stuff may want to skip my entry below.



i think i could easily count finish my fingers for the number of people who asked me why i didnt want to choose smu for business.

truth is, i did consider.
it markets itself as a vibrant school which produces a well-rounded individual.
sounds pretty good ?

i put smu aside right from the start due to mediocre reasons like distance and fees.
they are a bit far and a bit more expensive respectively.
but i came to realise that was not all.

throughout forums, i have been seeing many people stating controversial issues about the 3 unis.
like ntu's also good, 3 years, direct honours.
truth be told, i dont aim to get honours cos i know i have difficulty doing it,
mainly cos i come from IT background and do not have any knowledge inclining to business.
so, 3 years, i could complete in 3 years in NUS with a normal degree in business ad.
it's ok without honours, cos i have a Diploma in IT with Merit.
well-rounded?
coupled with cca records, industry work experience, entrepreneurship and a come-to-be degree,
I am already.
it really depends how employers look at me.

secondly the life in SMU scares me off.
it shocks me to know that students go back to school on sundays and stay till midnight.
goodness. i do still want to spend time with my family, my cat and have sneaky daily night calls from my NS boyfriend.
competition is so stiff and speaking up is a norm.
which doesnt apply for me cos i do look at my mood before speaking up.
and fighting to speak up means risking to talk rubbish.
cos words dont go through the brain before it comes out of the mouth.

thirdly.
all top students go to SMU and NTU.
SMU cos of reputation and NTU cos of a shorter time path to direct honours.

VERY GOOD! so i can just relax abit and chill.
not that i despise NUS bizad, for NEVER will i do that.
i just feel that it's somewhere in the middle, not too fast like NTU
which cramps all modules in 3 years,
nor is it too competitive like in SMU.
NUS gives me a very nice feeling ever since i entered its grounds,
and i want to call that my second home after august :)
i also have a strong feeling that i will at least still make some more true friends in there :)

examples of top students studying in smu, ntu.

my cousin, denise, from a good jc (cant rem) is there studying economics, renowned to produce the highest paid graduates.
ivan (triple sci in sec sch) --> SMU.
kezia's (top few in double sci in sec sch) --> SMU biz.
karin and jasmine, (dear's 2 sisters, from top jcs too, --> NTU biz)
me (almost lousiest in double sci in sec sch)
even my lecturers asked me why i dont want to choose SMU.
it's on everyone's lips!

and guess what, i just saw one Raffles jc guy reading an ultra thick Economics book on the train today.
it makes me want to shun away and slipped my 8days back into my bag.
i secretly hope that he is going to SMU.
arghhh. these kind of people are going to rip me off before i reach year 1 sem 2.

but nonetheless, i heard only 10% of places are allocated to students who passed the Discretionary Admissions interview.
which is about only 50 places out of intake of 500.
it makes me happy to have found a place in NUS.

SMU Interview

i promised to talk about it after confirming not accepting SMU.

firstly, i wasnt in a total right state of mind when i was going for their interview.
it was a long day at work and i had to travel down for the interview, and only to know that it will take 2 hours.

About 24 of us were splitted into 3 groups. All of them were from polys for those i spoke with. A fashionable guy with his shirt tucked in came into the pin-drop silence room and spoke about how hard it is to get to SMU.

that is, among discussion, only around 2-3 per group. only 1/3 of the entire classroom.
and there are many more groups of classrooms after us.
i cringed upon hearing that.
am i going to be eliminated after going through these tedious essays?
done with the shock, here comes the pain.

1 comprehension, 1 essay and 1 debate (read an article first, then in groups of 8 )

Comprehension : about racists.
Essay : write about something that is unjust in the world, and what could be done to prevent (i chose this, but there was another choice which i forgot)
Debate: this solid question pisses me off till date.


Part A: Comprehension.

The context was similar of those words that came speaking out of a documentary.
can you imagine my sleepiness when reading the para.
i swear i went into a daze upon reaching para 2.
which then i force myself to re-read.
when i finally finished the essay, i gave a sigh, shook my head, and re-read.
i understood only 40% of it.

Part B: Essay

Write about something that you feel that is unjust in the world, and what can be done to prevent it.

i wrote about child slavery. credits to unity sec for forcing us to buy national geography. the article and those pics remain vivid in my mind.

Part C: THE DOOM.

This was the death sentence: Think of someone who is not smart, but is the best.

i was stunned. totally stunned.
out came pouring out of the other mouths were Bill gates (because he's a drop out), Einstein...
i was thinking, so hard, who can i say?
should i say my mother? should i say my friend?
or should i say myslf?
best as in what context?
sports? academics? showbiz? technology?
i already disagreed upon hearing all those names, for if they werent smart, would they be able to make a name for themselves ?
i remained shocked.
luckily he stopped asking everyone. for everyone was fighting to answer.
some even began marketing themselves and their schools.
6 of them answered this. i was one of the 2 who kept totally quiet.
i was totally flabbergasted.

then came another question after disagreeing openly with their answers:

if i were to choose between you and those people who fare extremely well in other genres, would you take back your words?

everyone was shocked. then i was proud that i didnt speak.
but within few seconds, all came again, essays that pour out of the lips. this time, disagreeing with what they said for the first question.
i was flabbergasted once again.
are these people real or fake?!
this time, it became rebuttal, confusion, and the "forcing" to choose them instead of eg. sportsmen.
another rebutted, saying that's not true and stated his stand
i spoke up this time, just to agree and redefine his stand, and that learning from a sportmen can be different,
their never-giving-up attitude and teamwork are something that ought to be learnt vastly from the beginning.

then came the torture. someone spoke up about some sensitive issues.
hence the dean couldnt stop explaining. the interview ended abruptly.

yeap that's about that. no chance to speak.
but, i was accepted.
i do not really know what is the criteria to pass.
nor do i really care already.



nevertheless,
i believe no matter where one goes, most importantly is how you carry yourself when you go out to work.
that's where the real world begins.
differentiation & integration is not going to appear on your workdesk after you graduate.


i can't believe i wrote this post for more than 1 hour.
no offense to anyone if this post hurts someone unintentionally.
i apologise first. don't spam my tagboard please.

man, i'm dead tired.
lol.
i miss my boy!

quite disappointed and upset.
wanted to manufacture something but the exact design came out on a popular blogshop's.

groans =(

i'm lucky that i have not agreed to the manufacture or i would have caused an uproar, saying i copy, or whatsoever.
but no, it's from a designer series.
it's everywhere, the web, the magazines.

SIGH.

wanted to go kezia's house to take her txtbooks to start studying
but i was so dumb,
i remembered alighting at yew tee, (pats myself on the back)
but i forgot to walk to her house.
DUH =(
it's the surveyor's fault.
then was quite irritated and couldnt stop complaining to dar about it,
(he booked out from kranji camp at that time too)
so, it totally slipped off my mind! :(
been hounded twice by Prudential consectively this week.
i was hounded and forced to give my number to an agent yesterday at causeway point.
was shocked to see a flock of smart looking people with clipboards.
wanted to siammm, but they followed -.-
so okay, talk some crap and went to heatwave to buy my heels.
totally happy with my new shiny black heels!
pang asked me why i buy back the same one, lol.
cos it's so comfortable and durable, the previous pair actually lasted me for more than a year before actually giving way.
and mind you, i wore it everyday.
heatwave heels are good, got a blister but it's not as bad.
it's expected =(
okay then when i came out, guess who i saw and approached me,

it was him.


yes, steven lim.
he got a weird hairdo now, and he asked me what my height was and he's from mediacorp,
i was like "duh, i know, and you are bloody infamous"
anyway, i said i'm rushing and zoomed off. lol.

conclusion is,
CAUSEWAY POINT IS SCARY. argh
no wonder xiuhui refuses to go there often

sidetrack!
i am lemming after this canvas bag!
actually preferred some other darker base colour but the website only shows white base.



it's so pretty. so suitable for school!
gonna look out for it in the boutiques this weekend :D

take it as my first branded bag.
dar will be sharing it with me. WOOTS!

me and dar will be treating my mum to sake sushi lunch on sat afternoon,
for mother's day!
hehe, looking forward to it :D
i ish want my baby to get closer to my family :)
i promise pictures! :)

and weeee, celebrating reb's bday real soon!


little note for myself;

blardy hell, better remember to take personal picture soon and settle all uni applications asap.
got a very bad memory after relaxing for one year.
i MUST start studying real soon.

PS >> jose! i will open a facebook account soon, haha, after my contract ends! :D

baby did such a lovely thing by surprising me yesterday night.

phone rings.

"dear, i'm downstairs now..."

he gets to book out early for his medical appointment tmr!
haha thanks for the surprise dear,
appreciated it very much! :)
so i hopped over to his house overnight :)

told me he wanna finish his bike lessons quickly and hope for me to be supportive.
so by agreeing, he says he will dedicate almost all of his off-days for me
ROFL.
i was wondering whether it will be me this time who would be busy with my studies all that.
and he says he can take off-day just to send me to school and back.
lol. thank you in advance, my dear!

mother's day is on a sunday!
she wants her hair dyed, so okay. lol.

having a bad headache now.
but there might be a presentation to be done tmr, so, no MC =(

got plenty of things to buy during this weekend.
skincare, makeup, and look for a new school bag xD

oh kezia! smu accepted me le.
super weird. i thought i only said about 3 sentences while others vomit essays during the interview.
i wonder how they do the selections -.-

some updated pictures,
we at billy bombers, marina square.

my dress from bc,
not sheer and approved by dar, i like! :)












farewell gathering at lai lai beef noodles and bugis iluma.

me with tony's wife!



wei xuan, pangianto, me!





at iluma, heard the arcade was fun,
going this sat with dear! :D






some pictures of my kitten :D

cat in cupboard! lol.




cat staring a fly!



it's funny how he uses his paw to tickle the fly!



cat and me! :D
HUGS!
he's growing at an amazingly fast rate!



but he still likes to bite me. and i do mean only me.
-.-!




gosh i'm so lazy to measure & take the next collection pictures.
=(

thank you girls for your lovely tags :)

me and him are okay now,
closer than over :D

glad we both gave in.
similarly, we can't bear to give up each other.

:D

i'm tired but i can't sleep.
my tired eyes are wearing me out.
time check, 1:45am.
got work tmr.
but i'm already losing my senses.

i'm shivering with immense anger and crying.
i just need him to listen to me more without rebutting.
is that so hard?

yes, we both decided to think it over.

i finally pluck up courage to tell him how i feel.
but got fucked.

is it a crime to tell him how i feel?
is there a rule to telling me how i SHOULD feel?

i know he in army, damn suffering and all,
hate to stay in and all,
and i wont ever understand.

yes i don't, but it pained me to see you like this.
there are so many things i didnt dare to say to you anymore.
cos everything i say seems to be wrong.
and things ended up in cold fight or quarrels.
even up till today,
you said you keep falling while learning biking,
i really wanted to ask if you are okay and are there any injuries and such,
but,
i couldnt open my mouth anymore.
cos to spite you i might say "orh bi" cos i'm still angry over your decision to learn it.
but today, you have already completed all theories and one prac lesson.
i angry or not, i NEED to accept.
but you cant give me time to do it.

i don't say doesnt mean i don't care.
i dunno if this is a kind of auto-revenge.
the same way you couldnt celebrate little monthsaries with me.
it may be tiring for other couples to celebrate every month.
but it means alot to me cos i know you aint romantic and this little get-together means so much.
it signifies and reminds me of how we got together,
and what did we went through to celebrate that particular monthsary.
i know you don't do little surprises,
so monthsaries were replacements.
the crux is gelling the relationship,
not just about "yay, it's our monthsary again, let's go out"

it's about spicing up, and never allowing the relationship to be stagnant.

call me childish. but i call this a duty to keep the relationship together,
and never allowing it to fall.
when i sense it falling, i hinted to him.
but no, it didnt get to him that we were drifting.
i can't remember the last time we had a good nice romantic date together.
it's always never carried out cos
he sleeps during movies/tv shows, no car, bad weather, back pain.
maybe this reasons pop up cos i'm always there at his place.
and he find no need to go out since i'm already there.

i remembered we did some cooking together at his place.
was really happy about cooking the rice into some disgusting soft congee.
but little did i know that the bike thing come after and blow me up again.
i was upset. but i still gave in.
i love him, and dont want accidents to happen to him.
but human feelings are complex. he hated me for cursing him.

but i feel better now.
at least, i told him.
so if the relationship ends this way, there wont be regrets.

i've been stopping myself to say this a few months ago,
hinted, and done it.
and of cos i am prepared for any circumstances.
including that.

it's okay. i've done whatever i can.
and whatever comes out of this relationship this time, i shall accept it.
afterall, i'm really tired.

watched Perfect Cut on mobtv for the whole day.
there is this one part on the husband and wife taking revenge on each other,
totally spoiling their relationship.
and in the end, the wife took her own life,
while the husband ended up in misery.

does our lives always end up in regrets?
what are some things that could have been done so that everyone could be happier?
and what not?

i'm seriously in the "heck care" mode.
and i don't know how long this mode is going to last.

bored.

thanks for your concern girls.
we are fine now.
and it's that i accepting it.
his parents have learnt about it but there were only minor nagging.
nope not that i told them, it's his sister. =/
so i guess i aint in a position to say anything more,
so ta-da.
he's having theory lessons now while i'm back home blogging.
lol.

gonna go dbs now & take up their loan =(

i'm damn worried about the preparation of my uni studies!
it's damn alot of shit to do.
yet i seem not to have any free time for it.

need to wait for mum to finish cooking lunch before i can set off to take stocks.
arghhh.

my house phone has change.
i mean the phone itself, not the number, lol.
and the ringtone is exactly the same as his house's -.-

watching naruto while waiting for lunch

started online shopping again!
bought Victoria Secret's slipper :x
at about $24.
well i dont have any slipper, really.
bought the black one.
i always opt for safer colours.



then bought a white cardi. $18
and a blue with pink sweater. colours inspired by miss selfridge.
$24
all for school :D

oh no oh no.
i should quit spending. money is super hard to earn, really.

and i'm quite appalled to read that divazelle is no longer on kezia'a list after her exams.
i'm quite going to put that shop on a hiatus once i start my studies.

started coughing. damn.

anyway. saw the car plate and lots of metal pieces at the accident scene today.
SGP6330 (forgot the last letter)

he wants people to buy the 4d number?
saddist.

gonna settle my backorder korean orders tmr at 10am.
then perhaps go back to sleep.
gonna be a long and lazy day tmr at home.
dont know if i should make a trip down supplier's.

the soft wind brushed gently against my hair as i walked to buy my beloved bubble tea.
i closed my eyes to enjoy the cool wind. very peaceful.
have been indulging in them alot more hardcore ever since we fought last week.
bubble tea and snowie seems to be my only joy now.
truth is, i enjoy being alone at this moment.

i have to admit i feel so terribly exasperated by his decision.
this time i didnt really speak to anyone, just to my collegues over breakfast.
he asked me that question over the phone yesterday,
and i replied "don't know"
it seems everything is going to repeat like before.
anyway, cried myself to sleep, cos i can't find any way to let out the disappointment.

msn-ed his sister to ask for her opinions.
don't think she's agreeable to his decision either.

and,
everyone knows how strong my 6th sense is.
not to mention the fortune teller emphasized it too.
it's bizzare. but it's true.
guys can take his cabal crafting for example,
everytime i feel strongly that it will pass,
i will go click and it does pass.
while he tried many months and it's all failure.
and this doesnt happen only 1 time.
mahjong too. it's like the "feel".
and the feeling is so strong you know it's going to happen.
same to his decision.
i know somehow he's going to get into trouble if he's going ahead with it.
not about cursing or what.
but it's just that, the feeling won't go away,
no matter how long.

how can he expect me to not have any adverse reactions even after i accepted for that 2 days?
with him keep harping about it no matter where we go?
and he treats me so well during those 2 days.
even agreeing to walk the 4km scenic walk with me when he opposed for so many months.
it's killing me.
everything's changing.

then if it really happens,
his parents would blame me.
i would feel thousand times more depressed than now.
what more i saw the aftermath of two bike accidents in less than a month.
both with cars' front smashed in hardcore,
and the bike, one of it with the pizza box dropping and laid flat on the road with shattered pieces of everything,
the other with the front part (handles part) smashed.
and all around are medical supplies packagings.
am i suppose to see this when this happens to him?
i admit my hands turn cold immediately and i shiver whenever i see those accidents.
and i wonder how the poor motorcyclists are lying in the hospital.
even if they could survive, they are bound to have some hardcore injuries like broken limbs.
this one and only accident are going to change their lives from now.
why should i let my boyfriend be expose to this ?
or worse let a chance for this to happen ?

if i let him, i'll be unhappy.
and i'll be in fits everytime i know he's riding and would settle down only when he reaches somewhere safe.
if i don't let him, he'll be unhappy.
but he won't be in fits, duh.

this affected me so terribly i got no mood to study.
i started statistics. but ever since he told me this i couldnt continue.
i do not have the strength to open the book.

anyway, he is starting lessons this sat. taking it all from morning till evening.
of cos, he booked them all without telling me beforehand.

what the hell am i suppose to do?
can anyone tell me please?

i'm damn miserable.
i really don't want him to learn bike.
really don't want.

gonna be a short week today!
with fri as a holiday :D

have an off-in-lieu due to Vesak day.
gonna probably use that for one of my uni registration preps
got lots of stuffs to do.
arghhhh.

had a fight with dear last week,
over his decision to learn bike.
sigh.

but everytime we had a fight, i feel that we love and treasure each other more.
=)
this was one of the few times that i did not initiate contacting him.
or perhaps the first.

anyway, met up with chengwei on fri!
finally. lol.
we talked about further studies and the good old times over dinner at subway.
then walked awhile at lot one before we parted.
i went for driving lesson while he went to meet his friend at JP.
was feeling down over the fight though.
and that fri was our monthsary =(
missed my baby upon seeing many things that reminded me of him during my walk-around at lot one.
but i simply refuse to contact him.

saturday!
took stocks alone and dragged back home in a cab to take pictures.
then dear contacted me, finally, lol.
was secretly happy =x

won $77 during my first round at mahjong
then lost $60 during my second.
xuanbin is the loser that tried tagging explicit language on my tagboard!
lol =X

sunday!
watched a horror movie, coming soon with dar at his place.
not scary.
shutter is still the best horror show i've watched!

okay just a brief update,
gonna go to meet baby, he's booking in!
=(

i went slightly out of my mind today,
i actually walked about 4km of road from bukit gombak mrt to my house after my driving lesson.
cos i was feeling moody and i wanna avoid the mrt crowd.
walked with unbalanced heels, plastered big toe, swollen little toes and torn backings.
it's quite tough. but well, i need the walk. I need the breeze.
i was quite out of breath near the fire station.
and i cringed and shuddered at every single motorbike that zoomed past me.
started from 935pm, and reached home exactly at 1035pm.

yes, something happened.

when i was near reaching home,
there's this guy who looked like he just booked out, and holding a uniform cover,
approached me, panting

" hi er, are you okay? cos there was these 2 guys following you "

i replied, " huh really? "

" Yeah. Are you okay? Do you need me to send you anywhere or something? "

" Oh, it's okay, i'm reaching home soon, thank you very very much! "

" Oh alright, take care! "

" Orh, thanks again! "

then i turned away, half thanking him in mind and half struggling to remember where i saw this guy,
and vaguely remembered that we walked past each other when i just starting walking, near bukit gombak mrt.
i can remember cos of all the people i walked past, 98% were blangahs.
and i suppose he ran all the way just to make sure that nothing happened to me!
but it's weird, cos i had no feeling that someone was following me,
or maybe i did but the vehicles at the roadside were too noisy.

i think i might have looked drunk,
cos my feet were in pain and was limping.

if he had chose to ignore, i might have been, raped, robbed, killed, body parts severed, thrown into forest.
then i can haunt ITE college west.

thanks to you. i was not assaulted or anything. or thrown into the forests.
i do not know who you are. but i count my blessings.
thank you so much.
may god bless you too.
really touched and grateful!





side tracked, i am now sitting safely at home and typing at my blog.

good news! I have officially accepted NUS bizad and will be joining this year.
anyone who is joining too please tell me okay?
we'll go for the orientation tgt! :D
hate being alone while everybody are so friendly with one another!

tired of late and have been sleeping early.
maybe around 10 plus, 11 plus, alternately.
gonna meet a fella tmr at simei at 1130am to collect goods that are imported! :)
early but, duh. i can do travelling.
just sleep on the train. time will fly.

anyway,
i'm still pretty shocked at what actually happened behind my back during my 1-hour walk.

lol, i feel like blogging, so here i am.
but no pictures! cos i'm lazy to take my mmc and plug to the computer ya-da ya-da.
maureen has become a very lazy person.

let me think.
dar's sister asked me, so you gonna accept biz, then what you gonna do?
as in what am i going to be after i grad?
somehow i see myself back in ResortsWorld, my attachment company,
and doing marketing.
i love their culture.
if i would be doing something i want there,
i seriously don't mind.
quite 100% sure about taking marketing as my specialization cos NUS doesnt offer IT as a specialization unlike NTU.
so, ta-da.
think my route is pretty mapped out already.

my life's pretty boring.
that's why i got nothing to blog.
for the benefit for my dear friends who wanna know what is happening to me,
well, i'm still the same!
working, divazelle, sleep. working, divazelle, sleep.
sorry to junjie for rejecting him 4753432542734 times to sing kbox.
weekends are for my army boyfriend.
please understand ! =(
but i will make time if you organize gatherings!
at least let me tell him way ahead :)

TP on june, 16. Tuesday. Afternoon.
learned all those shit courses. S, cranked, whatever.
lol.

haha, i will blogged about my smu's interview after i confirmed i won't be going smu.
lest they take note of me, then i'll die a horrible death.
>.<

miss ya girls!
let's meet soon to discuss ***'s bday! =x

been long since an update!

been contemplating whether i should accept nus's biz offer.
what exactly is the difference between nus and ntu's biz?
more projects?
if that's so i totally prefer it to be.
but i heard ntu's landscape is also more vibrant, more to my style,
but sadly i was offered com sci.
if it's true that ntu biz's really better i might consider appealing.
arghh.

will update again when i feel like it cos i'm so lazy in uploading the pics!
=(

not updating anytime here soon cos still working.
blogging about work, IS risky.

got accepted by NUS biz!
so happy! but i wanna wait for NTU!
no hope for smu though!