sighs
they quarrelled again
everytime i choose to come home this happens
sometimes i really felt like moving out of the hse
but sigh
if i were at home ytd maybe this wont happen
dad wanna go out drinkin
but couldnt contact mum to come back and look after the kids
mum goes out EVERYDAY
why cant she stop going out
i'm getting numbed from all the anger.
deep down in my heart
i'm angry
many things happened this week
my results drop
teachers kb me
my sisters keep kidnapping my belongings
the stone i moved away with difficulty last few weeks is now replaced by a heavy rock
stress from projects
some group member really giving me attitude problem
u can pon the class why cant i?
aint't i have the right to skip class cuz i was not feeling tt well at all?
expect me to throw me all the work and den repeat those instructions to u again and again to all 5 of u
den when anythin goes wrong u say my instructions ARE NOT CLEAR!
i'm totally pissed
dun expect me to include u in my grp in any of the future projects

started to get carsick on the bus
alan too
but he's more trouble-free
lucky him
felt too tired and unwell
and grumpy too
sulking all the while
slept for 2 hrs old
den went back nyp play bball with sky and sandman
within 2 hrs - rain.
ya. nice timing.
anyway felt my headache comin once more
dear say wanna pei wo wait for next train
but i din have the mood..
i wanna quickly sit down and rest my head
im sorry dear.

they are STILL quarrelling.
content not to be included.
i dun care either
gonna get out of the hse early tmr
to prepare for the x'mas steamboat feast
get presents.. all tt
juz dowan to be at home.

i dont get it..
sigh.

me and my lovely boy... i'm loving him (:

heh
we got fourth worhs
bu cuo marhs
hahas,
my stats was 1 rebound!
wahaha
not bad wor
i only play 5 mins ma
wat can i do lolx.
since i the only girl
they did well wor
congrats =)

ytd got project discussion
den one of the grp members made me damn pissed
say what i say why i din say earlier bout not including the "ok" and "cancel" in swing
this is common sense neh!
this is only an application out of so many that i only suggest to use it!
when did sms screens appear to have "ok" and "cancel"?
den u shift all that f**king blame to me????
im tired of ur attitude!
do u know how tedious it is to be the leader of THIS group?
couldnt contain my tears
cry again
i machiam cry-baby
almost everyday cry
>.<

hmmmm
been training bball these days
but sprained my ankle
best liao
me gei kiang go try take rebound
den the guy jump so high knock me down siaa
now walk like penguin
hahaha
sprained my back also
gonna take a long time to heal liaos man

den went straight to dear dear hse
cuz no energy to go home in that state le ma
still quite okays
not very pain
help him bandage his fourth finger's wound
everyday open once de
lolx
den in less than 2 hrs jiu come out liao!
haha.
help me play winning eleven against his brother also
i lost 3 - 1
haha
dunno how to play ma, first time play got one goal bu cuo liao neh
hee
the next morning wake up jiu become penguin liaos
lol.
dear dear xin tong wor
sorry..
next time i juz stand outside shoot jiu hao ok?
hees.
today our fourth monthsary le wor
very fast neh..
hehe
i treasure u very much
i dowan to let u go
i miss you...
=]

hmmmxz
did some tear-gland excercising these days again
daddy wanna commit suicide yesterday..
say "good nite ar"
"bye bye"
and he has never said good nite to me since sec sch
and also say why wo keep going alan house to stay overnight..
why mum like this i'm also like this
den i told him
mum's got the responsibility to stay at home and be a MUM
and i've got the responsibility to enjoy my life while i'm still young
and by committing suicide what have u got to earn?
freedom?
leaving all ur kids to suffer by ourselves?
haven we suffered enuff?
u had stress
what about us?
stressed about school yet there's still no one to talk to?
isnt this clear enuff..
his house got more warmth..
more love..
unlike here at all
there's even a real dragon cat to keep me company
lolxz.
named boy-boy
hahas.
since there's no one to love me in this family and no one for me to love either
why cant u let me love alan with my whole heart
since he's my only best friend, my heart, my soul
he's been with me all these times you torment me
hugging me as i shed my tears
plus those pressure from school stuffs
yes,
i may not understand your work stress
do u understand mine either?
i dont blame u
since u yourself married the wrong woman
but since u've come this far i can only ask u to move on
bring us up
and leave the world happily then because you have fulfilled ur task as a father for bringing us into the world and grow up with us
i may sound as if i'm lookin for attention and empathy
yea
maybe i am
cuz i've receive no attention from them since sec sch
they have never ask
"how's school...?"
or "how ya feeling today?"
sigh.
but dad told me today to forget about what happened ytd nite
"after all we are family"
i said, "well, fine"
yea
fine lo.

played bball ytd..
there was a match going on
SIT 5-on-5
think we lost
cuz overall was -1
>.<
sad neh
cuz they ping ming play ler
pity though
blame that refereee
=/

hmmm
slackin in lab lolx.
waitin for dear
he stressed siaa.
lolx.
must take care worhs..
else me heart pain pain
i dont mind waitin for u derhs.
really really dont mind...
haax.
went esther's house ytd
chatted a bit
haax.
cuz must go home chiong a bit of project marh.
lolx.
gotta do again le
lolx.
ciao

haix..
din shoot in a single ball today at 214
lousy lousy me.
ben dan
everythin also not good derhs.
wo zai zhe shi jie shang mei you li yong jia zhi
sighs
lonely..
i'm miss lonely
i have nobody
i'm on my own..
felt lonelier and lonelier...
my life has been like this since pri school
always lonely
if only i had friends who dont maple
and speak of some common things with me
maybe life's happier...
seems only he's revolving around in my life..
i cannot always stick to him marhs
he has his own life too
my life's dead as it is..
no talent
know nothing
only ate one meal today
dont feel like eating
yea
lots of bubble tea.
haax.
i miss him..
pa ta bei qiang zou..

sighs.

i cant think properly..
so many things
flooding my mind
endless..
sighxz.
should go and die

so much tears lost again yesterday..
my family
they're rotten..
i couldnt say much here
all i could let out of my heart is tat she came back at 1 am plus
with evidence that she had let down the whole family
my father got so worked up he ripped off 2 sphagetti straps of hers
(she wears sphagetti as pyjamas)
and she came up with fine excuses bringin a female fren home and say
whatever "evidence" we all saw ytd was done by her
okays
What the fuck,
though im only 17
dont think im stupid.
how can girls do that
HUH.
my father might believe you
but NOT me
you din dare to talk to me ytd
coz i ask u to SHUT UP.
after doin all those farkin stuffs
u still dare to talk to dad in that kind of tone
MRS MUM CHEN
pls be awake
its good dad slapped u
u betta be thankful i was there ytd
and managed to stop him from being agitated and wantin to hit the hell out of u
u deserve to get bashed up
but i wont wish to see dad in jail
blardy hell divorce with dad
stop torturing him.
and me.

haix.
not feeling any betta..
really hope to have "ai" from my parents..
the coldness at home is unbearable
sigh.

find me 101 ways to make me smile..
heartily..
it's getting so darn unbearable..
total madness
the heavy feeling of my heart
it's the same feeling everyday during my journey home
10 mrt stops.
lonely, helpless.
school's a bore
there's no one to turn to..
hmmmm,
tmr's a saturday..
perhaps i'll take a walk down the beach..
find my way out..
and bring some mood boosters along...
to cheer me along the way

i guess i'm loving him more and more
else some lil' things wont make me think so much

why is everyone mapling..
arghhs.
talkin of maple language that i dont understandd..
sigh,
school's getting boredd.
was so depressed today,
suddenly tot of so many stuffs that juz made my tears drop and drop..
slightest thing made me so worked up
i banged my metal bed
till my knuckles hurt
sounds so stupid
i've become quieter and quieter every day at school
cuz im totally out of their maple conversations
i dowan to start playing
i've got too much responsibilities to carry
and moneyy
no more le
after the sch fee
no more le.
i can never fulfil my hope of studying business.
even if i get the grade
i can never get the money
nobody's home
i wan the love i receive from my parents 10 years ago..
i've become so helpless
useless.

dear..
dui bu qi.
i'm so useless.
got pissed over such lil' things..
yuan liang wo.. =(
needin u so much..
yes..
i remember what we promise each other..
i'll do anythin to make u happy
just to see your smile..
sorry... i love you.

i hate myself.
there's no reason for me to love myself.
none.