the soft wind brushed gently against my hair as i walked to buy my beloved bubble tea.
i closed my eyes to enjoy the cool wind. very peaceful.
have been indulging in them alot more hardcore ever since we fought last week.
bubble tea and snowie seems to be my only joy now.
truth is, i enjoy being alone at this moment.
i have to admit i feel so terribly exasperated by his decision.
this time i didnt really speak to anyone, just to my collegues over breakfast.
he asked me that question over the phone yesterday,
and i replied "don't know"
it seems everything is going to repeat like before.
anyway, cried myself to sleep, cos i can't find any way to let out the disappointment.
msn-ed his sister to ask for her opinions.
don't think she's agreeable to his decision either.
and,
everyone knows how strong my 6th sense is.
not to mention the fortune teller emphasized it too.
it's bizzare. but it's true.
guys can take his cabal crafting for example,
everytime i feel strongly that it will pass,
i will go click and it does pass.
while he tried many months and it's all failure.
and this doesnt happen only 1 time.
mahjong too. it's like the "feel".
and the feeling is so strong you know it's going to happen.
same to his decision.
i know somehow he's going to get into trouble if he's going ahead with it.
not about cursing or what.
but it's just that, the feeling won't go away,
no matter how long.
how can he expect me to not have any adverse reactions even after i accepted for that 2 days?
with him keep harping about it no matter where we go?
and he treats me so well during those 2 days.
even agreeing to walk the 4km scenic walk with me when he opposed for so many months.
it's killing me.
everything's changing.
then if it really happens,
his parents would blame me.
i would feel thousand times more depressed than now.
what more i saw the aftermath of two bike accidents in less than a month.
both with cars' front smashed in hardcore,
and the bike, one of it with the pizza box dropping and laid flat on the road with shattered pieces of everything,
the other with the front part (handles part) smashed.
and all around are medical supplies packagings.
am i suppose to see this when this happens to him?
i admit my hands turn cold immediately and i shiver whenever i see those accidents.
and i wonder how the poor motorcyclists are lying in the hospital.
even if they could survive, they are bound to have some hardcore injuries like broken limbs.
this one and only accident are going to change their lives from now.
why should i let my boyfriend be expose to this ?
or worse let a chance for this to happen ?
if i let him, i'll be unhappy.
and i'll be in fits everytime i know he's riding and would settle down only when he reaches somewhere safe.
if i don't let him, he'll be unhappy.
but he won't be in fits, duh.
this affected me so terribly i got no mood to study.
i started statistics. but ever since he told me this i couldnt continue.
i do not have the strength to open the book.
anyway, he is starting lessons this sat. taking it all from morning till evening.
of cos, he booked them all without telling me beforehand.
what the hell am i suppose to do?
can anyone tell me please?
